'Honk! Honk!'
I was stuck in some morbidly slow moving procession of cars inching towards an open spot at the curb. It was my turn to pick Alexa up from school. I just got my car back from the shop yesterday. The logo job and catalog work generated some desperately needed income from a pompous balding windbag who sold dental supplies wholesale. Half of his attention, during our initial meeting, was spent trying to keep his feathered hair from his temples plastered to his bare scalp. Anyway, he liked the work and promised more. Things were looking up. I picked the car up as soon as I cashed the check. The mechanic charged me $450 for the transmission work and another $300 for storing my car on his lot for 4 months while I came up with the money.
"Seven fifty?! I don’t have that."
He sighed.
"How much you got, Kok?"
"Six."
He frowned at me, t’sked, spat on the floor and then made a motion to give him the money. I did. He counted it and then wagged his finger in my face.
"Only because your father’s a friend of mine."
He slapped me across the cheek and left an oily palm print.
"Is the key in the ignition?"
"Yeah."
I went to my car, popped the hatch and smeared the oil off my face with an old t-shirt.
'Chig-chig-chig klick. Chig-chig-chig klick.'
"Hey! There’s no gas in this thing!"
"D’you bring it in with gas?"
"Half a tank."
"Then there’s gas in it."
'Chih-chig-chig klick.'
Pump. Pump. Pump.
'Chig-chig-chig klick.'
"Nope."
"Well fill it up at that pump!"
"I gave you all my money."
That was a lie. I stashed a fifty in my back pocket. The mechanic cursed at me and the car. He walked over to the pump with a 3 gallon container and filled it up.
"Here."
I poured it into the tank. Pump.
‘Vroom.’
"Thanks."
"Get the fuck outta here."
I saluted and drove off.
Senf and Muttley went crazy in the backseat barking at a Shih-tzu out for a walk. I hate yip-yip dogs, but the chick walking it was alright. Dark brown hair bobbed just below her jaw, pale skin, sleeveless belly shirt and some cut off denim shorts wrapped around a gorgeous ass and some long sexy legs in fishnet that led to a pair of black combat boots.
'HONK!'
"Shit!"
I almost got into an accident staring. Seems I got her attention; or rather, the swearing driver behind me did.
"Sorry."
A spot opened up 3 cars ahead and luckily for me, everyone in front had already picked their kids up. I squeezed into the spot and got out. Senf and Muttley almost dove out after me, but I shoved their heads back in the car and slammed the door shut. They stuck their heads out of the cracked window and barked at the Shih-tzu. I got a better look at the chick. What I hadn’t noticed was that her right arm was partially sleeved down to her forearm, and she wore a big eyebrow ring. On closer inspection, she wasn’t as attractive as I thought, but hell, it was coming up on two years. Given the opportunity, it would not have mattered. I smiled.
"Hi."
She smiled back with a mouth full of horse teeth and gums that came down nearly three quarters of the way. I was immediately turned off. I think I may have flinched.
"Have a lovely day."
"Fuck off."
Alexa came running out of the front door, dragging her small backpack and sweater on the ground behind her. She hadn’t seen me yet, but the excitement of getting her 'after school ice cream cone' popped her out of that building like a champagne cork. I was still about 20 feet away. Two girls sitting at the bottom of the stairs pointed at her and giggled. She did look funny wobble-running down the stairs, dragging her things behind her. One of the girls stuck her foot out as Alexa ran by and she hit the ground hard, skidding about a yard. The girls exploded into laughter and did a little dance as Alexa was splayed out on the pavement. I ran over to Alexa and picked her up. Her hands were skinned and bleeding and the elbow on her right sleeve was torn and bloody. She whimpered and her lip quivered but she wouldn’t cry. That’s my girl. Don’t give those brats the satisfaction.
"Are you ok, my angel?"
She had tears in her eyes and her quivering lip grew more pronounced, but she nodded. I brushed her off and dabbed her hands and elbow with a tissue I had in my pocket. The girls looked over and were snickering into their hands. I got angry.
"Stay right here beautiful."
I walked over to the girls and crouched down beside them. The 'leader', a little towheaded girl with brown eyes frowned at me. The other, a Filipina, looked scared.
"That was a very mean thing you girls did. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves."
"We didn’t do anything."
"Please don’t lie. I saw the whole thing. I want you to go over there and apologize."
Towhead crossed her arms across her belly with a "humph". The Filipina became more confident and did the same thing.
"See those two dogs in that car?"
I pointed at Senf and Muttley.
"If I hear that you so much as looked at Alexa cross-eyed, I’ll bring them back here and feed them your right foot and left ear,"
I pointed at towhead.
"… and your left foot and right ear."
I pointed at the Filipina.
"You’ll never dance again… and not because you can’t hear the music."
"We don’t believe you!"
"Really? OK."
I called to Senf in the car and he looked over.
"Angh!"
That trigger always set him off. He barked maniacally, which set Muttley off too. People near my car backed off or swung wide around it. The little girls' eyes widened and they looked frightened.
"See?"
They both ran off screaming "Mommeeee!" Alexa giggled. I gave her a wink.
Alexa was perched on my shoulders as we walked to the car. Someone tapped my back and yelled,
"Excuse me!"
We turned around to a gaudily dressed older lady with massive hair, scowling at us. Her pungent perfume gave me an instant headache, and the sight of her unfettered pendulous breasts under a leopard print blouse nonplussed me.
"What did you say to my little precious?"
"Who’s your little precious, madam?"
"Don’t be flip, boy!"
She puckered her meaty lips and scowled some more.
"I’m German on my mother’s side, lady. Armenian on my father's."
"My little girl!"
She pointed at the crying towheaded girl who was wrapped around the leg of some embarrassed looking older guy in a rumpled suit.
"Oh her. I told her that God eats bad little girls."
I gave her a big smile. Pucker-puss went ballistic and trailed us to the car.
"You dirty Armo!"
"Germ-armo, lady!"
"How dare you talk to my child like that! My husband’s a lawyer!"
"My mother’s a hitman, so back off toots!"
"I’ll sue! I’ll sue you! I’ll have your daughter expelled and then I’ll sue you!"
Everybody was staring at us now. She let loose a torrent of obscenities. I tried to cover Alexa's ears while still holding on to her knees. When we got to the car, Senf and Muttley growled and snarled at her and scared her half to death. She twisted one of her bloated ankles and fell back onto her flat wide ass.
"I’ll have your mongrels put down!"
I lifted Alexa off my shoulders, put her on the ground and walked over to Pucker. I bent over and hissed at her, very low, so that Alexa wouldn’t hear.
"Two things you don’t EVER fuck with- my girl and my boys. Do you understand me you stupid bitch?"
The throbbing veins in my neck and clenched jaw radiated spite. She was struck dumb. My face then morphed into a huge insincere grin as I grabbed her wrist (squeezing hard… she winced) and pulled her up on her feet.
"It was lovely speaking with you, madam. Have a great afternoon and fuck you very much."
The last part I said fast so that Alexa couldn’t make it out. Pucker ran back to towhead and the suit as we climbed in the car and drove off.
"What time is it daddy?"
"Et’s far turty sehvun, lahss."
Alexa loved it when I did the Luggy Chum voice. She giggled.
"Are we still getting ice cream, daddy?"
"Shoor’n weh ehr, ger-lee."
She just started calling me daddy. She used to call me Koko or Pop-pop. For the longest time, she thought of me as her friend rather than her father. Who could blame her? I was barely a presence for most of her 5 1/2 years, and then all of a sudden, I wanted to be called 'daddy'. She was a tough nut. A little too tough for her age, but she slowly came around. It’s forever etched in my memory, the first time I heard that magic word. We were eating cheese sandwiches and watching cartoons when Alexa put her head on my chest and asked:
"Do you want some of my milkshake, daddy?"
I had to excuse myself to the bathroom, where I bent over the sink and cried.
"It’s right here, daddy. Don’t miss it!"
"I see it, my angel."
Every Thursday, I picked her up from school and took her for ice cream; and everytime, she was afraid I’d miss the shop.
"What’re you gonna get, beautiful?"
"Bubble gum ‘n lime she-but ‘n rocky road."
The usual. The thought of all those flavors swimming around in the stomach made me queasy.
"What’re you getting, daddy?"
"Cherry vanilla."
The usual. Alexa rolled her eyes. I ordered a waffle cone for her. The girl behind the counter scooped it and carefully handed it to her. It teetered a little, but her little hands had a good grip.
"Would you like to try our new flavor?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Lemon cream."
I took a hit off those ridiculously small spoons.
"Mm. That’s good. I’ll take a scoop on a cone."
"Cake or sugar?"
"Cake."
Alexa put her right hand on her hip (and was going to lose two of her scoops).
"That’s not cherry vanilla."
I put her hand back on the cone.
"Nope… but sometimes change is good baby."
I raised my left eyebrow to punctuate the point and Alexa tried it too. The concentration on her face made me laugh. I swallowed wrong and had a coughing fit. Alexa pounded on my back, but because she was so short, she kept hitting my kidney.
"Ow. Kaff. Ow. It’s ok baby. Ow! I’m alright."
I grabbed her little hand. The girl behind the counter gave me a small cup of water.
"Thanks."
Slurp.
"Much better."
"Here’s your cone, sir."
"Oh thanks."
"That’ll be seven dollars."
Seven bucks for two ice cream cones! Christ. Every week I was surprised at the price. One would think it’d sink in by now, but it always stung. I pulled out the fifty that I hid from the mechanic.
"Oh. Do you have anything smaller?"
"Sorry, I don’t. This is it."
"Mm. I can’t break that."
"Then we have a problem."
She pondered the dilemma for a second.
"Don’t worry about it. You’re regulars, so this one’s on me."
She raised a finger to her lips and whispered.
"Just don’t tell the owner."
I winked and whispered back.
"Our little secret."
I fumbled around in my pocket for change and found a couple quarters, which I dropped in the tip jar.
"Thanks."
"How’s your lime shazbut?"
"Daddy!"
"Oh! I mean sherbet."
"Good. Want some?"
Her cone was a mass of melted colors and flavors and bits of napkin with a sheen of saliva. The way her nose was running, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was snot on it too.
"No thanks."
I held back a gag.
"Gimme your cone for a sec, baby. You need to wipe that mouth and blow your nose."
I held her cone in the same hand I held mine, taking care that they didn’t touch.
"Could you please wet these for me?"
The girl handed me back some wet napkins.
"Say ahhh…"
"Ah…."
I wiped hard.
"Ow daddy!"
A snot bubble popped out of her nose.
"Almost done… ok… now blow."
'H-O-N-K!'
She got snot on my hand.
"Eww. You’re loaded."
I wiped off on one of the wet napkins.
"That’s better. Here you go angel."
"Can we get mommy some ice cream?"
"I don’t think so baby. They can’t break my fifty."
"Please! I think she would really like some!"
Sigh.
"I’ll tell you what. We’ll stop off at Thrifty on the way home, ok? They should be able to make change."
"'Kay."
Alexa happily licked her cone and bounced in her seat in rhythm to some song she was humming to herself; frantically swinging her legs. I bit out the bottom of my cone and sucked out the melted ice cream.
A car pulled into a spot directly on the other side of the window. Pucker stepped out of the car with a crying towhead in hand. Suit-man hesitated a second and slumped out of the car as well.
"Daddy."
"I see baby. Don’t you worry."
Senf and Muttley saw them too and started barking furiously. Towhead shrieked. Pucker recoiled and then threw her shoe at them. Suit-man looked pathetically dejected. The old crone looked in the window and saw us. I was laughing so hard I strained a muscle in my neck. She was apoplectic and barked at towhead and suit-man to get back in the car. Just as he pulled out, suit-man wagged his finger at me. I swear that I saw him chuckling as he pulled away.
Alexa and I finished our cones.
"Are we going to Thrifty now daddy?"
"We are going to Thrifty now daughter."
We stopped at Thrifty on the way home. Alexa picked out a gallon (a quart was “too little”) of Butter Pecan.
"It’s mommy’s favorite."
Five bucks. I was hoping to treat myself to a small pizza at Romeo’s. Ah well.
We got to Alexa’s home at a quarter past five. Molly was sitting on the couch watching television.
"Mommy!"
"Hi sweetie!"
"Daddy took me to ice cream."
"I know button. Your daddy always takes you to get ice cream when he picks you up.”
"We bought some for you too!"
"Oh?"
I held up the bag.
"Thank you."
She said it to Alexa and gave her a hug.
"Do you have any homework?"
Alexa’s shoulders slumped and she frowned.
"Y-e-s."
"Why don’t you go to your room and work on it, ok?"
"'Kay."
Alexa went to her room and closed the door.
"We have to talk."
"To what do I owe this privilege?"
Molly brushed the comment aside.
"I got a call from the dean at Hamilton."
"About?"
She started "shouting" at me without raising her voice.
"You know damn well what about!"
"Refresh my memory."
I acted oblivious. It was admittedly immature but her admonishing tone brought it out in me. Her voice grew louder.
"You threatened those little girls!"
"I did no such thing. I merely told them that God eats bad little girls. Blame him."
"Are you for fucking real?!"
"Watch your mouth!"
I pointed at Alexa’s door.
"Your concern for those two little brats is touching considering they sent our daughter tumbling down the stairs for a laugh and bloodied her elbows. Your motherly eyes did take notice of that, right?"
The accusation hung in the space between us. She was ultra-sensitive about being a good mother to Alexa, and I knew that…
"You also threatened one of the mothers!"
She was shouting now.
"That wizened old crone threatened Alexa and then threatened my boys!"
"Your boys?!"
"Senf and Muttley."
Molly’s face went blank and she was silent. After a deliberate pause, she continued in a calm, measured tone.
"What kind of man are you? What kind of father are you? You care more about your mangy mutts than you do your daughter. You spend more time, energy and money on them than you do her. Shame on you. Shame on you Heiko."
My face immediately went hot. My neck burned from the immediate rage that I tried (unsuccessfully) to contain. I exploded.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, you fucking bitch?! You stole 5 1/2 years of her life from me and you’ve got the fucking nerve to accuse me of being a bad father?!"
Spittle flew as my eyes watered.
"You didn’t give me a chance to be ANY kind of father to her! You stole her from me!"
"I stole her?"
"Yeah, you fucking stole her!"
I clenched my fists to stop all that anger from shooting out my fingertips.
"Imagine my surprise when I get a letter from some preschool demanding my tax returns so that my daughter, who I’ve never met or even knew existed, could qualify for some scholarship. Fucking shock to me!… Who does that Molly? Hmm? What kind of person does that make you, huh?!"
She stared at me tight-lipped.
"Five and a half years where I could have had a little bit of happiness in my life!"
My eyes welled up. I dragged my sleeve across them.
"YOU did that, Molly…"
I growled:
"YOU kept her father away!"
Molly laughed. I wanted to snap her neck.
"What kind of father would you have been? You can’t even find a job now! How would you have provided for her, hmm?"
"I would have found a way."
"Like you are now?!"
"Yeah! Like I am now!"
She laughed again. I clenched my fists tighter.
"I DON’T FUCKING ANSWER TO YOU!”
A look of pity washed over Molly’s face.
"No, but you do answer to her."
Alexa’s scared face peeked out from behind her bedroom door. Molly knocked me on my ass with that upper-cut. And the look on Alexa’s face… gutted. I turned around, opened the door and walked out. I made it halfway to the staircase when I realized that I still had Molly’s butter pecan in my hand. I walked back to the apartment, put the ice cream on the welcome mat, knocked on the door and left. I heard the door open behind me and muffled crying. I couldn’t tell if it was Molly or Alexa. I just put my head down and walked to my car, biting down on my lip.
'I want to go home. I want to go home.'
The mantra ricocheted off the inside of my skull over and over and over. I just want to go home. Lock everyone and everything out. Be alone… The problem is that I never felt at home anywhere. Never felt peaceful. Ever since we moved here… and especially after Polina left…
Home. My nose bled again, and so did my lip. I drove off.
I was stuck in some morbidly slow moving procession of cars inching towards an open spot at the curb. It was my turn to pick Alexa up from school. I just got my car back from the shop yesterday. The logo job and catalog work generated some desperately needed income from a pompous balding windbag who sold dental supplies wholesale. Half of his attention, during our initial meeting, was spent trying to keep his feathered hair from his temples plastered to his bare scalp. Anyway, he liked the work and promised more. Things were looking up. I picked the car up as soon as I cashed the check. The mechanic charged me $450 for the transmission work and another $300 for storing my car on his lot for 4 months while I came up with the money.
"Seven fifty?! I don’t have that."
He sighed.
"How much you got, Kok?"
"Six."
He frowned at me, t’sked, spat on the floor and then made a motion to give him the money. I did. He counted it and then wagged his finger in my face.
"Only because your father’s a friend of mine."
He slapped me across the cheek and left an oily palm print.
"Is the key in the ignition?"
"Yeah."
I went to my car, popped the hatch and smeared the oil off my face with an old t-shirt.
'Chig-chig-chig klick. Chig-chig-chig klick.'
"Hey! There’s no gas in this thing!"
"D’you bring it in with gas?"
"Half a tank."
"Then there’s gas in it."
'Chih-chig-chig klick.'
Pump. Pump. Pump.
'Chig-chig-chig klick.'
"Nope."
"Well fill it up at that pump!"
"I gave you all my money."
That was a lie. I stashed a fifty in my back pocket. The mechanic cursed at me and the car. He walked over to the pump with a 3 gallon container and filled it up.
"Here."
I poured it into the tank. Pump.
‘Vroom.’
"Thanks."
"Get the fuck outta here."
I saluted and drove off.
Senf and Muttley went crazy in the backseat barking at a Shih-tzu out for a walk. I hate yip-yip dogs, but the chick walking it was alright. Dark brown hair bobbed just below her jaw, pale skin, sleeveless belly shirt and some cut off denim shorts wrapped around a gorgeous ass and some long sexy legs in fishnet that led to a pair of black combat boots.
'HONK!'
"Shit!"
I almost got into an accident staring. Seems I got her attention; or rather, the swearing driver behind me did.
"Sorry."
A spot opened up 3 cars ahead and luckily for me, everyone in front had already picked their kids up. I squeezed into the spot and got out. Senf and Muttley almost dove out after me, but I shoved their heads back in the car and slammed the door shut. They stuck their heads out of the cracked window and barked at the Shih-tzu. I got a better look at the chick. What I hadn’t noticed was that her right arm was partially sleeved down to her forearm, and she wore a big eyebrow ring. On closer inspection, she wasn’t as attractive as I thought, but hell, it was coming up on two years. Given the opportunity, it would not have mattered. I smiled.
"Hi."
She smiled back with a mouth full of horse teeth and gums that came down nearly three quarters of the way. I was immediately turned off. I think I may have flinched.
"Have a lovely day."
"Fuck off."
Alexa came running out of the front door, dragging her small backpack and sweater on the ground behind her. She hadn’t seen me yet, but the excitement of getting her 'after school ice cream cone' popped her out of that building like a champagne cork. I was still about 20 feet away. Two girls sitting at the bottom of the stairs pointed at her and giggled. She did look funny wobble-running down the stairs, dragging her things behind her. One of the girls stuck her foot out as Alexa ran by and she hit the ground hard, skidding about a yard. The girls exploded into laughter and did a little dance as Alexa was splayed out on the pavement. I ran over to Alexa and picked her up. Her hands were skinned and bleeding and the elbow on her right sleeve was torn and bloody. She whimpered and her lip quivered but she wouldn’t cry. That’s my girl. Don’t give those brats the satisfaction.
"Are you ok, my angel?"
She had tears in her eyes and her quivering lip grew more pronounced, but she nodded. I brushed her off and dabbed her hands and elbow with a tissue I had in my pocket. The girls looked over and were snickering into their hands. I got angry.
"Stay right here beautiful."
I walked over to the girls and crouched down beside them. The 'leader', a little towheaded girl with brown eyes frowned at me. The other, a Filipina, looked scared.
"That was a very mean thing you girls did. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves."
"We didn’t do anything."
"Please don’t lie. I saw the whole thing. I want you to go over there and apologize."
Towhead crossed her arms across her belly with a "humph". The Filipina became more confident and did the same thing.
"See those two dogs in that car?"
I pointed at Senf and Muttley.
"If I hear that you so much as looked at Alexa cross-eyed, I’ll bring them back here and feed them your right foot and left ear,"
I pointed at towhead.
"… and your left foot and right ear."
I pointed at the Filipina.
"You’ll never dance again… and not because you can’t hear the music."
"We don’t believe you!"
"Really? OK."
I called to Senf in the car and he looked over.
"Angh!"
That trigger always set him off. He barked maniacally, which set Muttley off too. People near my car backed off or swung wide around it. The little girls' eyes widened and they looked frightened.
"See?"
They both ran off screaming "Mommeeee!" Alexa giggled. I gave her a wink.
Alexa was perched on my shoulders as we walked to the car. Someone tapped my back and yelled,
"Excuse me!"
We turned around to a gaudily dressed older lady with massive hair, scowling at us. Her pungent perfume gave me an instant headache, and the sight of her unfettered pendulous breasts under a leopard print blouse nonplussed me.
"What did you say to my little precious?"
"Who’s your little precious, madam?"
"Don’t be flip, boy!"
She puckered her meaty lips and scowled some more.
"I’m German on my mother’s side, lady. Armenian on my father's."
"My little girl!"
She pointed at the crying towheaded girl who was wrapped around the leg of some embarrassed looking older guy in a rumpled suit.
"Oh her. I told her that God eats bad little girls."
I gave her a big smile. Pucker-puss went ballistic and trailed us to the car.
"You dirty Armo!"
"Germ-armo, lady!"
"How dare you talk to my child like that! My husband’s a lawyer!"
"My mother’s a hitman, so back off toots!"
"I’ll sue! I’ll sue you! I’ll have your daughter expelled and then I’ll sue you!"
Everybody was staring at us now. She let loose a torrent of obscenities. I tried to cover Alexa's ears while still holding on to her knees. When we got to the car, Senf and Muttley growled and snarled at her and scared her half to death. She twisted one of her bloated ankles and fell back onto her flat wide ass.
"I’ll have your mongrels put down!"
I lifted Alexa off my shoulders, put her on the ground and walked over to Pucker. I bent over and hissed at her, very low, so that Alexa wouldn’t hear.
"Two things you don’t EVER fuck with- my girl and my boys. Do you understand me you stupid bitch?"
The throbbing veins in my neck and clenched jaw radiated spite. She was struck dumb. My face then morphed into a huge insincere grin as I grabbed her wrist (squeezing hard… she winced) and pulled her up on her feet.
"It was lovely speaking with you, madam. Have a great afternoon and fuck you very much."
The last part I said fast so that Alexa couldn’t make it out. Pucker ran back to towhead and the suit as we climbed in the car and drove off.
"What time is it daddy?"
"Et’s far turty sehvun, lahss."
Alexa loved it when I did the Luggy Chum voice. She giggled.
"Are we still getting ice cream, daddy?"
"Shoor’n weh ehr, ger-lee."
She just started calling me daddy. She used to call me Koko or Pop-pop. For the longest time, she thought of me as her friend rather than her father. Who could blame her? I was barely a presence for most of her 5 1/2 years, and then all of a sudden, I wanted to be called 'daddy'. She was a tough nut. A little too tough for her age, but she slowly came around. It’s forever etched in my memory, the first time I heard that magic word. We were eating cheese sandwiches and watching cartoons when Alexa put her head on my chest and asked:
"Do you want some of my milkshake, daddy?"
I had to excuse myself to the bathroom, where I bent over the sink and cried.
"It’s right here, daddy. Don’t miss it!"
"I see it, my angel."
Every Thursday, I picked her up from school and took her for ice cream; and everytime, she was afraid I’d miss the shop.
"What’re you gonna get, beautiful?"
"Bubble gum ‘n lime she-but ‘n rocky road."
The usual. The thought of all those flavors swimming around in the stomach made me queasy.
"What’re you getting, daddy?"
"Cherry vanilla."
The usual. Alexa rolled her eyes. I ordered a waffle cone for her. The girl behind the counter scooped it and carefully handed it to her. It teetered a little, but her little hands had a good grip.
"Would you like to try our new flavor?"
"Sure. What is it?"
"Lemon cream."
I took a hit off those ridiculously small spoons.
"Mm. That’s good. I’ll take a scoop on a cone."
"Cake or sugar?"
"Cake."
Alexa put her right hand on her hip (and was going to lose two of her scoops).
"That’s not cherry vanilla."
I put her hand back on the cone.
"Nope… but sometimes change is good baby."
I raised my left eyebrow to punctuate the point and Alexa tried it too. The concentration on her face made me laugh. I swallowed wrong and had a coughing fit. Alexa pounded on my back, but because she was so short, she kept hitting my kidney.
"Ow. Kaff. Ow. It’s ok baby. Ow! I’m alright."
I grabbed her little hand. The girl behind the counter gave me a small cup of water.
"Thanks."
Slurp.
"Much better."
"Here’s your cone, sir."
"Oh thanks."
"That’ll be seven dollars."
Seven bucks for two ice cream cones! Christ. Every week I was surprised at the price. One would think it’d sink in by now, but it always stung. I pulled out the fifty that I hid from the mechanic.
"Oh. Do you have anything smaller?"
"Sorry, I don’t. This is it."
"Mm. I can’t break that."
"Then we have a problem."
She pondered the dilemma for a second.
"Don’t worry about it. You’re regulars, so this one’s on me."
She raised a finger to her lips and whispered.
"Just don’t tell the owner."
I winked and whispered back.
"Our little secret."
I fumbled around in my pocket for change and found a couple quarters, which I dropped in the tip jar.
"Thanks."
"How’s your lime shazbut?"
"Daddy!"
"Oh! I mean sherbet."
"Good. Want some?"
Her cone was a mass of melted colors and flavors and bits of napkin with a sheen of saliva. The way her nose was running, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was snot on it too.
"No thanks."
I held back a gag.
"Gimme your cone for a sec, baby. You need to wipe that mouth and blow your nose."
I held her cone in the same hand I held mine, taking care that they didn’t touch.
"Could you please wet these for me?"
The girl handed me back some wet napkins.
"Say ahhh…"
"Ah…."
I wiped hard.
"Ow daddy!"
A snot bubble popped out of her nose.
"Almost done… ok… now blow."
'H-O-N-K!'
She got snot on my hand.
"Eww. You’re loaded."
I wiped off on one of the wet napkins.
"That’s better. Here you go angel."
"Can we get mommy some ice cream?"
"I don’t think so baby. They can’t break my fifty."
"Please! I think she would really like some!"
Sigh.
"I’ll tell you what. We’ll stop off at Thrifty on the way home, ok? They should be able to make change."
"'Kay."
Alexa happily licked her cone and bounced in her seat in rhythm to some song she was humming to herself; frantically swinging her legs. I bit out the bottom of my cone and sucked out the melted ice cream.
A car pulled into a spot directly on the other side of the window. Pucker stepped out of the car with a crying towhead in hand. Suit-man hesitated a second and slumped out of the car as well.
"Daddy."
"I see baby. Don’t you worry."
Senf and Muttley saw them too and started barking furiously. Towhead shrieked. Pucker recoiled and then threw her shoe at them. Suit-man looked pathetically dejected. The old crone looked in the window and saw us. I was laughing so hard I strained a muscle in my neck. She was apoplectic and barked at towhead and suit-man to get back in the car. Just as he pulled out, suit-man wagged his finger at me. I swear that I saw him chuckling as he pulled away.
Alexa and I finished our cones.
"Are we going to Thrifty now daddy?"
"We are going to Thrifty now daughter."
We stopped at Thrifty on the way home. Alexa picked out a gallon (a quart was “too little”) of Butter Pecan.
"It’s mommy’s favorite."
Five bucks. I was hoping to treat myself to a small pizza at Romeo’s. Ah well.
We got to Alexa’s home at a quarter past five. Molly was sitting on the couch watching television.
"Mommy!"
"Hi sweetie!"
"Daddy took me to ice cream."
"I know button. Your daddy always takes you to get ice cream when he picks you up.”
"We bought some for you too!"
"Oh?"
I held up the bag.
"Thank you."
She said it to Alexa and gave her a hug.
"Do you have any homework?"
Alexa’s shoulders slumped and she frowned.
"Y-e-s."
"Why don’t you go to your room and work on it, ok?"
"'Kay."
Alexa went to her room and closed the door.
"We have to talk."
"To what do I owe this privilege?"
Molly brushed the comment aside.
"I got a call from the dean at Hamilton."
"About?"
She started "shouting" at me without raising her voice.
"You know damn well what about!"
"Refresh my memory."
I acted oblivious. It was admittedly immature but her admonishing tone brought it out in me. Her voice grew louder.
"You threatened those little girls!"
"I did no such thing. I merely told them that God eats bad little girls. Blame him."
"Are you for fucking real?!"
"Watch your mouth!"
I pointed at Alexa’s door.
"Your concern for those two little brats is touching considering they sent our daughter tumbling down the stairs for a laugh and bloodied her elbows. Your motherly eyes did take notice of that, right?"
The accusation hung in the space between us. She was ultra-sensitive about being a good mother to Alexa, and I knew that…
"You also threatened one of the mothers!"
She was shouting now.
"That wizened old crone threatened Alexa and then threatened my boys!"
"Your boys?!"
"Senf and Muttley."
Molly’s face went blank and she was silent. After a deliberate pause, she continued in a calm, measured tone.
"What kind of man are you? What kind of father are you? You care more about your mangy mutts than you do your daughter. You spend more time, energy and money on them than you do her. Shame on you. Shame on you Heiko."
My face immediately went hot. My neck burned from the immediate rage that I tried (unsuccessfully) to contain. I exploded.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, you fucking bitch?! You stole 5 1/2 years of her life from me and you’ve got the fucking nerve to accuse me of being a bad father?!"
Spittle flew as my eyes watered.
"You didn’t give me a chance to be ANY kind of father to her! You stole her from me!"
"I stole her?"
"Yeah, you fucking stole her!"
I clenched my fists to stop all that anger from shooting out my fingertips.
"Imagine my surprise when I get a letter from some preschool demanding my tax returns so that my daughter, who I’ve never met or even knew existed, could qualify for some scholarship. Fucking shock to me!… Who does that Molly? Hmm? What kind of person does that make you, huh?!"
She stared at me tight-lipped.
"Five and a half years where I could have had a little bit of happiness in my life!"
My eyes welled up. I dragged my sleeve across them.
"YOU did that, Molly…"
I growled:
"YOU kept her father away!"
Molly laughed. I wanted to snap her neck.
"What kind of father would you have been? You can’t even find a job now! How would you have provided for her, hmm?"
"I would have found a way."
"Like you are now?!"
"Yeah! Like I am now!"
She laughed again. I clenched my fists tighter.
"I DON’T FUCKING ANSWER TO YOU!”
A look of pity washed over Molly’s face.
"No, but you do answer to her."
Alexa’s scared face peeked out from behind her bedroom door. Molly knocked me on my ass with that upper-cut. And the look on Alexa’s face… gutted. I turned around, opened the door and walked out. I made it halfway to the staircase when I realized that I still had Molly’s butter pecan in my hand. I walked back to the apartment, put the ice cream on the welcome mat, knocked on the door and left. I heard the door open behind me and muffled crying. I couldn’t tell if it was Molly or Alexa. I just put my head down and walked to my car, biting down on my lip.
'I want to go home. I want to go home.'
The mantra ricocheted off the inside of my skull over and over and over. I just want to go home. Lock everyone and everything out. Be alone… The problem is that I never felt at home anywhere. Never felt peaceful. Ever since we moved here… and especially after Polina left…
Home. My nose bled again, and so did my lip. I drove off.
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